I should not have been driving and I knew it. My eyes were almost totally blinded by cataracts and I had not driven in sometime while awaiting surgery to give me my vision back. But you know how it is, my husband was busy and it was just a very short drive and I would be right back in no time. I only wanted to help and would be very cautious.
We were at church and a particular piece of music, which had been left at our house, was needed so I made the choice to go after it. I made it home with no problems, retrieved the music and started back. The way back to the church had a 4 lane divided highway but it was not busy at this time of day on a Sunday. Stopping at the stop sign, I looked to my left very carefully and way off in the distance I thought I saw a gleam of light. No one was behind me so I watched that gleam of light for a little while and it did not appear to move. Not seeing any shifting shadows or anything moving in the fog that was my eyesight, I decided it was safe to go to the median where I would again be in a safe zone.
Just as I started to pull out into the highway, out of the fog came a fast motorcycle right at me. Thankfully, there was no traffic in the left lane and he was able to swerve around me and avoid being killed. When I eventually arrived at the church, I was shaking and crying and screaming at myself for being so stupid as to take that kind of a risk.
I know you are thinking right now that this was a dumb thing to do on my part and you will have my total agreement. But I want to shift our focus from me to the young man on the motorcycle. What would be his conclusions as to what happened? What sort of judgment would he make in this situation?
First, he was doing absolutely nothing wrong. In no way was he to be faulted. In fact, his quick reactions saved his life. But from HIS perspective, let’s take a look at the events as he saw them.
He’s driving along and way up ahead, a car pulls up to the stop sign and sits there. Whoever is driving has plenty of time to pull out and go across the highway, but they just sit there. As he gets closer, he can see that a woman is behind the wheel, and she has her head turned towards him, watching him. And she watches and watches and just as he gets there – she pulls out and tries to run him over! He would swear to it in a court of law! “She tried to kill me!”
Was that what happened? Was I trying to kill him? Of course not! You know the whole story so you can make a proper judgment as to the truth of the situation.
So many times in life, we come to conclusions that seem so very obvious to us – just think of the man on the motorcycle and his conclusions – when, if we knew the whole story, we would see a whole new perspective. That motorcyclist could certainly testify to my actions and the timing of those actions. What he could not begin to understand was my motivation for my actions. He had no way of knowing what was going on in my head.
Great care needs to be taken when assigning motivations and judging as to why people do certain things or make the choices they make. We can certainly state what a person has done –“She just slapped me!” – but, we can’t know the motive unless they tell us – “There was a spider on your arm.” When we start assigning motives is when we get into trouble. “She just slapped me to get back at me.” The first part of the statement is totally true while the latter part is totally false.
Taking the time to investigate the motive behind a troubling action will not only help in understanding the situation, it could keep it from turning into something potentially damaging in the relationship. It also shows that you care enough to find out what is happening with the other person.
Gilbert and Sullivan have a marvelous song in one of their plays entitled “Things Are Seldom What They Seem” which is something we should all remember. What might seem to be a mean action, could actually be something motivated for your good. Be slow to judge until you have the facts and always give the benefit of the doubt. Your life will be far less complicated and much more rewarding.